Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
