did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
