I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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