just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
