When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
