He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
