I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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