yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
