So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Randomize
