Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
