The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
