I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Randomize
