matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
