i jhust puked up my retainher.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
