You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
