if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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