The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
