In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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