U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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