so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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