yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
