So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
