Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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