Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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