I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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