foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
