My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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