2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
