Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
