Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You're like the curious george of whores
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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