I am in a vortex of obligation.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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