Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
