I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
