I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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