I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
