i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
