I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
