Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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