Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
even my farts smell like vagina
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
