So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
