I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
