I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
