Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
