happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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