I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
