Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My ATM looks so different sober.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
