Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
