he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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