I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You are the jesus of drinking
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
