May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
